who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
