Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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