people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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