Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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