halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
