Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
If I die, sorry about rent.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
