If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
