We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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