My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Randomize
