We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
