if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
