She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
