How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
