my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
