it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
