what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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