people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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