I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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