she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
