His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
