I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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