I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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