Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She even gives head with a lisp.
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If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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