I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
