Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The cops high fived after they tackled you
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
