somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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