What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
