Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
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The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
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White people are beatboxing! Save me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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