I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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