just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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