that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
