can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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