just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!