i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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