dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
