im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
