We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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