6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
