Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
