I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
They have beer where we have blood.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
