dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
