i can't believe i had my finger in that
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
