Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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