before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
