My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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