they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
