My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
