We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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