so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
