I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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