I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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