Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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