Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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