woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
