tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
