whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
