Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's rum buckets o'clock
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
