All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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