my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
