I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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