Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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