why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
