worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
