grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
