I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
