Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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