there's paper in my vomit.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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