Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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