...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize
