dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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