I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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