i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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