I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I have tasted many bathrooms
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
