Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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