Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
