You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
