Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
