My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
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I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
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We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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