Having a random hookup so left but love u
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
