like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
