i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
