It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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